Yearbook pictorial

Last Tuesday, I had a shoot for the yearbook with the rest of the committee. I was tired because I just got back from Puerto Galera the previous day but I missed my friends so much that I didn’t dare miss it. Here is an outtake of my creative shot.

My peg was Josh Hartnett’s ad for Emporio Armani’s Diamonds for Men, a fragrance that came out around 2008. I’ve always been in love with the ad since it came out and decided to use it as inspiration when we decided to theme our shoot as high fashion.

This is Laura Recto, our editor-in-chief. Nikko Panti and I styled her and used Liz Uy’s recent Preview cover shoot as a peg. We had a hard time trying to breathe life into Liz’s ensemble but I had a stroke of inspiration when I found a large cloth among the costumes of Colorpoint. Everything else just fell into place and bam! She looked picture perfect.

After the shoot, Nikko, Jan and I went to Robinson’s Manila to check out some stuff. It was such a wonderful feeling to be with them again.

Graduation.

After spending six years in college, I finally graduated. It wasn't as emotional as I thought it would be (I even contemplated wearing liquid eyeliner to my graduation so black streaks would run down my face because I thought I was going to cry) but a different series of emotions took over me as I was in the ceremony: boredom, excitement, some fear, and a tremendous relief as the weight of so many responsibilities were taken off my shoulders. Of course, I still have to publish my last issue as editor-in-chief (yes, we're still not yet done) and edit all the writeups for the yearbook but knowing that I'm a graduate makes it easier for me to breathe. I received a gold medal for leadership, by the way. But right now, what do I do next?

As I was celebrating at Yakimix with friends and family, I realized one thing. I'm now unemployed. I have now joined the millions of Filipinos with no jobs and no futures. So I cruised some job portals and decided on a career in public relations. I don't know where it came from but it seemed like a natural choice for someone as talkative as me. My original choice was to apply as a writer for a fashion magazine (I even applied for Mega late last year but they couldn't accept me because I was still in school) because I wanted to marry my two loves: writing and fashion. But I guested on a show on TV5 and one of the hosts, Direk Joey Reyes (director of Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo and its sequel Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo) said that there's no money in writing. I knew that but ever since my mother stopped giving me allowance, I panicked and realized that I need to replenish my supply.

I was advised not to make writing my primary source of income because there's no money and I might tire of it. But because it's my edge, I decided on public relations. I might pursue corporate communications but PR sounds a lot more fun. I have most, if not all of the requirements, so I think I have a chance. I don't have a degree in journalism or mass communications but I have six years of experience writing and have had four editorships, I have participated in three journalism seminars hosted by the prestigious universities in the country, have organized one myself (with Charie Villa as speaker, among notable others), I have been nominated for Best Personal Blog at the 2009 Philippine Blog Awards, was awarded a gold medal for leadership (in case they want someone who works under pressure), I speak good English, and I interned for the marketing department of my school.

Ever since I told my mother I'm qualified to graduate, she kept bombarding me with job opportunities. For some reason, my mother is well-connected and she is friends with or related to media moguls, founders of film production companies, celebrities, executives, and owners of some of the hottest real estate companies, clubs, bars, and restaurants. She kept suggesting that she could help me find a job, which I kept saying no to. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I want to make it on my own. And I think I can.

I know many people would kill to have a contacts list like my mother's, but I plan to be one of those people who will get a job based on what he knows, not who he knows. If I knew that I could get a job at Viva Films or Century Properties, I wouldn't spend six years of my life spending sleepless nights trying to get a grade of 1. I would have settled for 3s if I planned on getting a high-paying job because I'm related to an executive or I'm friends with a COO (child of owner). I wouldn't have joined three papers, the student council, the debate team, the theater group, two socio-civic organizations, and the yearbook committee twice if I was aiming for nepotism. I have good credentials. And I want to use them.

I've always been called an idealist. Perhaps I am, or maybe everyone else is cynical. You might tell me that there's not enough jobs to go around but I had a chance to talk to Ms. Criselda Sy, the director of Bureau of Local Employment at the Department of Labor and Employment and she told me that the unemployment rate of the US is higher than that of the Philippines, and the primary reason why so many Filipinos are unemployed is because of choice. Being unemployed sounds terrible to me and I have no plans of becoming a bum. The thought of lounging around and doing nothing for a year just doesn't cut it for me. I'm sorry but I have ambition.

Direk Joey laughed at me good-naturedly when I told him of my writing plans. He said that it's either I'm an idealist, or I'm rich. I might be neither one of them, I might be one of them, or I could be both. I don't know. Perhaps it's my morals but I think the only time I'll ask for help when it comes to my career is when I find myself stuck in a rut.

Half a million a year with a monthly trip to Singapore and London, you say? Thanks, but no thanks, mom.

Revenge of the Nerds

I didn't make much of a splash when I was in high school. I had my fair share of friends but I was never the popular kid, the kid everyone wanted to be friends with and everyone wanted to date. Unlike my peers, I didn't go out much and wasn't as goodlooking as the guys on the popular list.

But I wasn't a nerd. Sure, I excelled in my literature and English classes, acing orations and debates, and I wrote a piece that impressed an English teacher. But in my other subjects, I only got enough to pass the course.

In short, I was an average joe.

Fast forward to my college life. I lost some of the weight, improved my style, and became competitive. I got into the top section in BS Psychology in UST and joined the paper and two socio-civic organizations. When I transferred to Perpetual, I joined the paper, the debate team, the theater group, the yearbook committee, and the student council. I was class president for two consecutive years and I'm currently the editor-in-chief of the campus paper. It's funny how someone who used to be a mediocre student be where I am today. I am living proof that life is like a wheel - sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down.

It's funny to note that that bit also applies to popular people. When I run into my high school classmates, they're always surprised at how I turned out. I'm no superstar, but I really changed a lot since high school. At the same time, I'm also surprised at how they turned out. The popular people who used to tease me look so normal. While I'm out and about in Armani and YSL, they're trudging along, overweight and wearing the tackiest clothes. Sure, I'd run into some of them in clubs and they'd be all dressed up, but I can still trump them with my custom-made blazers and accessories from abroad. And then I'd wonder, these people were the popular ones?

When I compare high school and college, the popular kids are different. In high school, the populars are those who look good and who are rich. In my high school (an international school), these were the ones who were children of CEOs and celebrities. In college, these are student movers and leaders. Granted, some are popular because they're beautiful, but that's just about it.

I believe that it is better to become famous for what you do, not what you look like. Beauty is temporary and will disappear when you age (unless you have fantastic bone structure) or when you don't take care of yourself. Yes, there are people who remain famous for their looks after they've aged. Such is the case for Gloria Diaz and Imelda Marcos, but really, are they famous for their looks or for what they've contributed to society?

I like intelligent people. These are the people who leave lasting impressions on me and the earth. This semester, I intern for the school's Student Recruitment Services and it is my task to go to high schools and persuade them to enroll in Perpetual. It's like being back there myself. I can see the cliques and the way the kids are distributed. It's obvious to see who are the popular ones and who are the "nerds", and I have to fight the temptation to tell the "nerds" that the popular kids will work for them in the future.

So to the nerds/geeks/losers/or whatever it is they call you to demean you, don't be afraid to enjoy reading and writing. To hell if you don't fit in by not watching low-brow television shows and movies. You shouldn't be afraid of having sophisticated tastes. In a few years time, you'll be paying their salaries. My only tip: cleanse, tone, and moisturize. You'd want to look good when you're on the cover of a magazine.

Cerebromania!

Midterms this week! Must study!

I miss blogging!

Did I mention?

That Bill and I were accepted at Generika Pharmacy? Our internship starts tomorrow.

Exciting! Will blog about it soon.

Hark, are the angels already singing?

It's already December. Even though our huge-ass Christmas tree is already set up in our living room and our house is decorated with angels, Santa statues, and Christmas lights, I still don't feel the holiday spirit.

Partly it's because of school. There are so many things to do that I don't have the time to appreciate the decorations around me. I have my thesis, piles of assignments, and my internship to take care of. Oh yeah, we were rejected by Citimotors because they prefer female interns. Ah, the taste of rejection. I never learned to like it. Fine then, I'll take my Courreges and Pierre Cardin where it's appreciated. Kidding.

I handed in my resignation for the yearbook committee. With my busy schedule, I don't think I can call companies and ask if they want to sponsor our yearbook. I felt that if I stayed, I would compromise the entire team. Advertising is responsible for production, after all.

Today I interviewed an applicant for the paper. Even though he couldn't answer my more complicated questions (such as his thoughts on Kenyan politics, Iranian media, and the election process of Uzbekistan), he impressed me with his other answers. He was eloquent, witty, and intelligent. He had a strong command of the English language which showed in his application exam. Perhaps if he finished it (I said no when he asked for an extension), he would have received a higher grade.

I have little time to rest and my sleeping habits are worsening. Even though it's barely a month, I'm already looking forward to my Christmas break. By then, I'm sure I'd feel the holiday spirit.

Marx, Weber, and Me

I was pretty nervous when Bill and I went to Citimotors - Pasong Tamo to confirm our intership. Like I said, I've never applied for any job so I didn't know what to expect. We were only advised by our coordinator to dress nice and bring a resume.

We got there in one piece but all we did was submit our resumes and fill out application forms. Someone from HR asked us to come back for the interview. Tss. The supervisor didn't even see my Courreges shirt.

On our way back, I saw this guy wearing a communist shirt with the logo and an inscription that says MARX, THE FATHER. Awesome.

LOVE is just another word I'll never learn to pronounce

Can't blog too much tonight. I have to wake up early tomorrow to meet the supervisor of Citimotors with Bill. Our internship for Industrial Psychology starts next week so we have to finalize everything with the HR department. I'm actually nervous. I've never applied for a real job so I don't know what to expect. Hope all goes well!

I'm wrapping this entry with the video of 3OH!3's Starstrukk with Katy Perry, which has been playing in my head all day. It sounds a lot better than the original.

Now where did I put those Acetaminophens?

The calm before the storm, the wind beneath my wings, the Samson to my Delilah

Sigh. My writing has become sporadic again. My last real post was before the announcement of winners of the Philippine Blog Awards where I was one of the finalists for Best Personal Blog. I lost, but I can't blame my lack of enthusiasm to losing because my real reason is much shallower than grieving over an award. It was my semester break.

My break lasted for only three weeks but it was probably the best three weeks of my year. My summer isn't even worth talking about because I've had summer class since freshman year and I had tons of things to do for the paper. My three-week break wasn't awesome in the sense that I went to Boracay or Hong Kong or any of the bars in Makati and the Fort, but because I stayed at home and did absolutely nothing. I felt like I deserved three weeks of silence after working my ass off. I actually felt my eyebags lifting. And to think I didn't even use Olay (my co-editors would know this line).

As the break dragged on, I missed going to school. I missed the rush of deadlines. I missed reciting in class and learning all sorts of things about the human psyche. I missed hanging out with my friends and colleagues in the paper. I missed walking to school and complaining about the shitty improvements they keep making. I was excited to start another semester.

I have really cool subjects now. I have my practicum for Industrial Psychology. I also have Methods of Research, Guidance and Counseling, and Psychological Testing 2. Best of all, I have Abnormal Psychology, the very reason that pushed me to take this course.

But so far, in the few weeks that I've been in school, I'm already looking forward to my Christmas break. Being class president, associate editor, and head of advertising for the yearbook committee is starting to take its toll on me. And now that I'm swamped with majors, being a student is hard enough. In fact, our professor asked us to present the first chapter of our thesis on Wednesday. And to think she just assigned it hours ago! I'm so stressed that I feel like I'm about to explode.

Because of the fuckload of responsibility I have, I thought about giving up one aspect of my college life to get a better grip on my course. The paper sucks most of my time and energy so I entertained thoughts on quitting. My mom isn't paying thousands every semester for me to learn how to write an editorial. My mom is paying so I can learn how to diagnose schizophrenia and distinguish Stendhal Syndrome from normal fatigue. I'm in school to learn how to give therapy to those with Dissociative Identity Disorder, not to edit news and feature articles.

I thought about this when I realized I've been taking writing too seriously. Over the years, I noticed I'm putting a higher priority on the paper rather than my academics. I was more than willing to cut class in favor of a meeting or interview. But now that I have Abnormal Psychology, I'm starting to really get into it. Before, I was set on pursuing journalism after college. Now, I want to pursue Psychopathology, the study of abnormal behavior.

I was this close to actually giving everything up to be a regular student with regular stress and regular responsibilities. Then it made me think. Why do I only have to be one person? Why do I only have to be Koji, the third year Psychology student? Why can't I be Koji, the third year Psychology student who's also an editor of the school paper? In my first column, I mentioned that as a person, we are multi-faceted, and there are different aspects to our personality. I can be a Psychology student, associate editor and whatever else it is I want to be. I mean, look at our celebrities. We have actors who sing, singers who run cities, and cosmetic surgeons who become porn stars. I'm not saying they do it successfully, but the fact remains that they can be two things at once. I suddenly did not see the point why my passion for writing must be extinguished because of my constant whining. I realized that I will have just as many responsibilities when I work. I should be thankful that I've been given the opportunities to train myself.

I can be a psychologist with a background in journalism. Or a journalist with a background in psychology. Either way, what is to stop me from doing what I want? I believe living is doing what truly makes you happy, and both writing and psychology make me happy. I told myself that I'm still in my third year and there is plenty of time to think about my future. Besides, I should be thinking of how my groupmates and I are going to produce an entire chapter in two days. With the deadline looming closer, I must conclude this entry.

Before I go, let me share a vision of me as psychologist: Instead of doodling or solving crossword puzzles while my client is telling me about how she failed to resolve her Electra complex, I could be writing a short story.

Like the news you get pressed.

I'm enjoying myself too much. My studies are taking a backseat to all the fun I'm having and I need to change my routine. What happened to the storm that was supposed to hit Manila less than a week ago? It's kind of hard thinking summer is already over with the unbearable heat plaguing the city. Last Thursday I went out drinking after class and stayed out till 7 in the morning downing gin, vodka, and lots of beer in different combinations. Saturday, I was out watching the opening of the NCAA at the Araneta Coliseum and Sunday, I was out with the folks and some friends to celebrate my brother's birthday. I even missed my class last night because I was out on a date with V. I had my first quiz of the semester the other day and I failed. Must focus on studies!

But I can say that watching the opening of the NCAA is excusable because it was presswork. I went with Jake (Managing/Sports Editor) and Bianca (News Editor) to cover the opening and the first match of Perpetual against San Sebastian. We had to go early because we were going with the muse but it was great because we got to watch the performers practice the opening and see the players before the match.

Me and my co-editors had a lot of fun because we passed through the South Gate, the gate where the players, muses, officials, and dancers entered. We sat court-side and even got to sit in the court during the game. During the opening, all we had to do was flash our press IDs and we got to stay in the court. I got to see Christian Bautista, the kid who played Santino on May Bukas Pa, and other officials (including Kristie Kenney) up close that I could practically breathe the same air they were breathing. I wasn't even supposed to be there because it was Bianca who was taking pictures but I wanted to feel important and see everything up close. Fortunately, I wore black so maybe the production team thought I was part of the program.



I enjoyed the games even if I'm not a fan of sporting events. I must admit, I even cheered in the JRU-Letran match. JRU won by three points, a close game that kept me on the edge of my seat. San Sebastian kicked Perpetual's ass but at least we're the best in cheering. And our muse is the prettiest.



Mostly, I had fun because of the VVVVIP treatment. It's so fun being part of the press! The power that entails from a piece of laminated paper really can get to your head. This is the first time I exercised my press powers outside school and it works. And the meek, respectful stares I got from the commonfolk (haha) was just amazing. I'm hoping I could use this for Lady GaGa, who by the way has confirmed that she really is coming to Manila!

You’ve Got Me Like Nobody (Did It Again)

The first week of classes are over and I’m happy to say that I am still alive with all my mental faculties and body parts intact. My schedule’s really nice so I don’t have breaks that seem to stretch forever and days when I have to wake up really early. I have six subjects this semester; four majors and two minors, so the pressure’s really high this time. I have to pull off a miracle to maintain my grade point average which I need to support my editorship and the good graces of my mom. I already have a preview of what’s about to come this semester, and it looks stressful. This week alone, I already have five assignments due next week.

On Mondays and Thursdays, I have Society & Culture with Family Planning, a subject that I don’t really need but must take to pass the course. I don’t know the professor well but I interviewed her once for an article I was writing. Well-spoken lady. I took Sociology & Anthropology in UST and because they’re using the same book, I’m expecting this to be a breeze. I also have Educational Psychology, a preparation for our internship in the Educational field. In short, Guidance counseling. Frankly, I’m not excited for the subject. I have a high respect for Guidance counselors (the ones I’ve met are darling) but it’s not for me. Fortunately the professor didn’t show up so I just had the class fill up an attendance sheet.

On Tuesdays and Fridays I only have one subject but so far it’s the best. The professor’s young and I like her because her class is very interactive. She encourages students to think and comes up with challenging questions making the annoying schedule of 6-7.30 pm more tolerable. She refers to her method as a group discussion where students throw in ideas and discuss it. I like to think that I play a pivotal role in that class because I keep track of everybody’s grade in recitation. One of the perks of being class president!

Wednesday is my heaviest day because I have three subjects. My first class is PE, and I’m hoping to pass it so I could finally finish the course. It took me four years and I don’t have any plans of extending it to five. We didn’t have class on the first day because the students were required to attend the interment of Ruby Rose Barrameda, the alumna who was locked inside a drum and thrown out into the sea by the father-in-law. I have a three hour break which I’m hoping to allot for the paper. After that is my Experimental Psychology class taught by the head of Alumni Affairs, a jolly man I’ve known for years because of my involvement with the paper. The paper shares an office with him, the Student Affairs, the Prefect of Discipline, and the Supreme Student Council so we’re tight. In our Industrial Psychology class, there was conflict with our schedule because the professor wasn’t available at the assigned slot. It was proposed we meet every Thursday at 6, but I’ve set Thursdays for someone. Luckily, the rest of the class didn’t like the new schedule so I talked to the head of HR (who was also the assigned professor) and we agreed to look for a new teacher.

So far I’m swamped with paperwork but it looks like it’s going to be a great sem. I have a fantastic schedule, great teachers, and a really hot bag I traded with our chief photographer. It’s time to have a life again. And allowance.

P.S. I’m still glowing. I went on a date with V last night and we had a great time. We had dinner and coffee at Mall of Asia and zomg. I’m still creaming.

Better than nothing.

It's been months since I last blogged but I'm happy to say that the passion hasn't died. I believe that it is through writing that I express myself best and I'm glad I still have the touch. I may not have the best skills in writing, but I manage. I learned a lot in my editing days and besides, I've immersed myself in writing so much that I'm planning to enter print media after college and hopefully publish a book.

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged. My last entry was dated days before my 20th birthday when I celebrated at Ascend. A lot has changed and though not all were good, I hold on to the idea that it is for the best. I've hurt certain people, lost many friends, but it has made me stronger and more aware of myself. I've made many realizations that I hope will make me a better person. I'm not sorry for the things I've done, but I'm sorry for the way they turned out. I still believe I could have done things better.

I didn't get the editor-in-chief position and surprisingly, I'm okay with it. I was initially outraged when I was given the Associate Editor position but I rest in the thought that I am doing what I love which is writing. At the end of the day, it's all about the articles I produce and the upstanding team Anna and I handle. The best is yet to come and yeah, I still have two years of college.

Speaking of college, it came as a shock when I realized that my original classmates in UST have already graduated. I seem to have forgotten that I was already a senior because most of my classmates are sophomores and juniors and it hit me (harder than I expected) when some of my colleagues in the paper graduated a few weeks ago. It made me face my own time in college and it wasn't good. I keep seeing albums in Facebook of graduates who were kids when I was in high school. Never a good sign. School's going great though. I have summer class now which is a major hassle but made easier with great company. I did really well last semester and all my grades were in the line of 1. I got 1 in my Group Dynamics and 1.25 in Theories of Learning.

So far my life is great. I have pretty much what I want and I couldn't ask for more. I don't have exactly what I would have wanted, but I'm happy settling for what I have. It's better than nothing.

Put me out of my misery [unedited]

Okay. So I copied Michan's [associate editor] idea and kept a notebook. I have been keeping notebooks all my life to jot down notes, reminders, ideas, and etc., but usually they're messy, unintelligible and sometimes I just don't have the energy to read it. I copied Michan's lead and kept a neater notebook. Last night I divided stuff into pages, from the meaningful long-term and short-term goals to the mundane stuff to buy lists. I thought my life would be better if I started to organize my thoughts and my life but I didn't expect I would break down, cry, and want to be put out of my misery.

I couldn't believe at how much stuff I needed to accomplish before the end of this month. I couldn't believe how lax I have been, considering I have this much stuff to do. From completing my short stories to putting the January and February issue of The Perpetualite to rest, I am up to my ears in responsibility. And believe me, I am a tall person.

Most of my worries stem from the paper. Being an editor is fun, but it sure is bloody. In my manic attempt to dissect articles, I have forgotten to write mine. I am nowhere near half of the donkey work. Luckily, we'll be publishing a magazine for February so I don't need to write a column. And there's the tremendous pressure in the space between school and the paper. I have to keep up a GPA of 2.50 and above to keep my editor status. I barely passed the mark this sem. so I'm safe. But what about next semester? Next semester will be one of the defining moments of my life. The position of editor-in-chief will be open and I want the position so bad. My desire to be top dog is so bad, it hurts. Lately, hints are being dropped like the Big Boy at Hiroshima. Michan has been teaching me how to layout. She gave me tips on how to publish the paper. Staffers keep asking me how I'll run the paper and if I'll be strict. Michan even told me not to disappoint the staffers! Could a hint even be bigger than that?! I want to be EIC. But I'm worried about my GPA. I dropped my NSTP (for the nth time) so I have to pull in extra effort. I make exceptional grades in my majors, scoring the highest in quizzes and exams, but what about the minors? And I missed a long quiz. OMG. And the NSTP! Why the hell did I drop it in the first place? I'm scared. I'm shit scared. I'm terrified. I believe that I'll make a good editor what with my attention to detail and my perfectionist attitude but what if I don't make the cut? It's the exams next week and I haven't studied!

But I'll make it. Believe me, I will. I've been through worse, and I'm still here. Never mind the eyebags and the heart attacks. It's all in the makeup and the surgery. But not even death will keep me away from that EIC position.

Sorry, no time to pull of a Carrie Bradshaw. Writing articles. Read my Twitter if you want on-the-dot newsfeed: www.twitter.com/kojibberish

Machiavelli, please.

I never thought of myself as a politician, but here I am, class president and Psychological Society secretary. I was nominated to be the College of Arts and Science secretary, but I declined the nomination and stayed at the Psych. Soc. student council.

Initially, I had doubts about the whole thing. But after using my cunning to keep the two positions, I knew I was ready.

All I hear is ay ya ya ya ya.

I've been in school for over a week, and well - I'm stressed. I didn't expect that I'll be all over the place because I always thought of myself as lax when it comes to my studies. I do really well in school, but I'm not the type of person who puts so much effort into it. My trick is to make the most out of class so I wouldn't see the need to pull an all-nighter before an exam. Believe it or not, but I only spend an average of five minutes studying. I don't really study, I just scan through my notes and refresh my memory.

I thought I would survive this semester doing what I do. I think I could, but it's going to be much harder. It's Wednesday, and I have a quiz tomorrow and an assignment I need to submit, and on Friday, I have three quizzes and two assignments! It's enough to drive anyone crazy, and as a matter of fact, I'm already doubting my sanity as it is. I wouldn't be surprised if my brother finds me in the closet chewing my foot off.

Madonna was wrong. Madonna was dead wrong.

Madonna was wrong. Madonna was dead wrong when she said that time goes by slowly. Time actually goes by fast, very fast, and we just don't notice it because of all the trivial activities we consume ourselves with. It seems like only yesterday that I was struggling with my grades, going out almost every night, and wrecking my entire life with my decadent irresponsibility.

I barely attended my classes then [there are times when I wonder if the only reason why I go to UST was to drink iced teas with my friends and burn my lungs away]. Often, I think about my stay in UST and I end up regretting wasting two years of my life. I was accepted at one of the premiere science schools in the country, yet I threw it all away by boycotting classes, learning to smoke, and passing only three subjects [during my first semester in my first year]. I was given so many opportunities but I threw them all away. Not only was I accepted for my first choice in a prestigious university, but I was also handpicked [I was one of the first who were picked] to write as a features writer for the college publication. I was eventually let go because of the deteriorating quality of my articles.

I was a staple in Makati and Malate. I would always be in the late night hotspots, drinking, dancing, and incessantly smoking. I even tried ecstasy once. I must admit, it was a fantastic feeling, but it quickly wore off when I realized that the phone I begged from my mom for many months got lost. All my money was alloted to cab fares and notoriously expensive drinks.

Once, I stumbled on a blog I used to maintain and I can't tell you how shocked I was at what I read. I was embarrassed at its content, and the only feeling I felt while browsing through my entries was a feeling of happiness, bliss, no, relief, when I realized I was using a pseudonym. Yes, I'm not going to deny I wrote well, but the image I projected was that of a slut, and not of an intellectual. I don't know what went through my head when I remembered I was proud of being labelled a whore. I was not just a whore. I was trailer trash. I guess it was that infantile mentality that a lot of men found me sexually attractive that thrilled me into a promiscuous frenzy.

For two straight years I was intellectually stagnant. I juggled boys, sex, cigarettes, friends, and parties. I called that phase my Paris Hilton years. I spent my time sleeping, sitting pretty, clubbing, and posing for the camera.

Things changed when I met Quincy, the man responsible for my image overhaul. I guess it's different when you really love a person. Thinking back to all the men I've slept with, the men I've dated, and those I've had "relationships" with, Quincy was the only man I honestly loved. I still consider him the love of my life, and I must admit there are times when I hope things would eventually turn out for the better between us. I believe that a relationship is healthy [and good] if your partner brings out the best in you, and Quincy did just that. His over-achieving mentality rubbed off on me and I became focused, determined, and ambitious. I tired of the club scene [I discerned that there are far more productive things to do than go clubbing every week], and my priorities in life were set straight. True love would do that to you, all right. I've changed. I've completely changed. A lot of people could attest to that, and they were very surprised. I've been told many times that the new me was not the Koji they knew. "That's not you!", they would often say. This is the new me, all right, and maybe the real me. Loving someone for the first time made me realize who I truly am. I miss Quincy. Yes, I still love him. Maybe the reason why I am still alone since we dated is because I am looking for someone who is just like him.

Time goes by quickly. Life zips by you if you let it go unnoticed. One minute I was in UST, enjoying the company of Ysa, Kay, and Eunice [the three people I consider my true friends], in Coffee Indulgence, smoking pack after pack of Marlboros while sipping iced teas, and the next, I am in Perpetual, slaving away to get stellar grades.

Here I am now. It's four in the morning and my first class of my second semester in Perpetual will start in five hours. I slept ten in the evening, woke sometime around midnight, and I've been awake since. I can't sleep, but I'm happy. After toiling my ass off, I passed the first semester with flying colors [Fil3: 1.75, FCL1: 1.75, English+: 1.75, Nat.Sci.1: 2.50, Nat.Sci.3: 2.25, Logic: 1.75, NSTP: 1.25]. I spent my semester break drinking with my friends [the last being in Cavite to celebrate JM's birthday], going shopping [clothes and books], and bonding with the folks.

This is the new me. I'm still talkative and bubbly, but not as loud as before. My grades are my top priority. Not far behind are my family and friends. Yes, I still go out, but I have decided to change scenes. These days, I go to friends houses and have drinks, but I still go clubbing once in a while. I'm not dating anyone [it's so hard to find someone to replace your great love], and in turn, I'm busying myself with extracurriculars. I'm involved in the university-wide publication of Perpetual, and I'll have my day soon. I'll be the editor-in-chief in a few years [Elydia, the EIC, has been dropping colossal hints about this]. I quit smoking. And of course, I still shop. Lately, I'm going crazy over plain tees and statement shirts.

I have no regrets. I did not regretting boycotting my Zoology Lec. class in UST because that was the time Kay and I became really close. Neither did I regret failing my Zoology Lab. class because I met Ysa during our second take. And for sure I did not regret learning to smoke, because it was between cigarettes that Eunice and I divulged our innermost secrets. I also did not regret clubbing my life away because it was at a party that I met Arvin, one of my most treasured friends. Most of all, I did not regret transferring to Perpetual. It may not be as esteemed as UST, but my friends here are just as genuine.

I have accepted the fact that time does not go by slowly. But I believe in the saying that time flies when you're having fun. I may die tomorrow, I may get struck by thunder this very moment [it started to rain, oh no! I was planning to wear my vintage aviator sunglasses to make a fantastic entrance], but I can assure you my life was stellar to say the least. And you can take that to Paris Fashion Week.