This question absolutely ruins people who are seeing each other. I've known this fact for quite some time, and yet, I never learn. I just had to ask J this:
So where are we headed?
Apparently, this is not one of the questions you ask anyone, especially those who are afraid of commitments. And I just found out J was.
I suddenly felt the world crumbling around me, the foundation of my relationship with J slowly cracking beneath my feet, and I felt like I had nothing. All the progress I thought we made seemed so trivial. So insignificant. Unimportant.
The problem lies between the both us, and I am glad to take my share of the blame. My fault was, besides being stupid, is rushing. Obviously, asking that question to a guy you just met shouts, when are you going to be my boyfriend, and it's sort of scary. A normal guy (and J is sweet enough not be a nasty pervert like all the other men) does not rush, and asking the questions speeds the process to a scary vroooom.
On J's part, I think his fear of commitment stems from a bad past (well he was implying, correct me if I'm wrong), and I think it's really unfair that he should let his past affect his present and future as well.
Anyway, I was feeling terrible about it, and J knew. I'm not the type of person who bottles his emotions and thoughts, and he had an earful, well we were in YM, and I have no idea what you call that, letterful? Anyway, he had a letterful of what I had to say, and he did a wonderful job of making me feel better.
And the next thing I knew, I was a happy pill.
I don't know if I have bi-polar personality disorder or what, but what I know is, I feel like Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex & The City while writing this entry. Lol.