Sunday, November 15, 2009

My epic fail

I woke up feeling great yesterday. The sun was shining but it was cool, so I spent an extra few minutes snuggling under my fur blanket, wiggling my toes and closing my eyes really really tight. I was excited because L was coming over so we could cook pasta and watch DVDs. I yawned and looked for my phone to check my messages and got the shock of my life.

My friend committed suicide.

Technically it was an attempt, and she's now confined in the hospital to sober up. All the same, she tried to kill herself which is the scary part because most suicidals are afraid to actually do it. Worried, I got up, showered, grabbed a quick lunch and went to the hospital to check up on her.

It turned she downed four handfuls of aspirin, local painkillers, and valiums last night. I'm still fuzzy on the details but I knew it had something to do with school, finances, and personal relationships.

My heart broke when I saw her. She was so frail, she couldn't move, and her voice sounded really tired. We didn't get to talk so I just sat by her side and watched. Her dad and brother were there. Her mom knew what happened but she's working in the States. I wanted to cry for her because I could only imagine what she was going through, knowing her daughter tried to kill herself.

Watching my friend, I felt responsible for her attempt on her life. Looking back, all the signs were there. She was telling me about how bad this year was for her and how she felt alone. I was aware that I was one of the few people she trusted at the time but I had so many stuff on my plate that I couldn't find the time to help her. What a friend.

I consider this mess a learning experience. I learned to be more aware of my surroundings and the people around me. I learned to watch out for little signs that could lead to something big. And I call myself a Psychology student. I'm disappointed in myself.

My friend is doing fine now. She has IVs and stuff in her that'll help her flush out the drugs she took and she's getting lots of rest. When her dad asked me if I play basketball, she gave a little laugh. Somehow, that made me feel better.


eye_spy said...

i wish your friend will recuperate real fast.

well, yeah you are right. sometimes we just have a handful of things to look after but i guess finding some time to check on the people around us wont be that much of a burden.

ingats always!

Koji A. Iizuka said...

oo nga e. i guess i have to be more observant.

Nash said...

i hope she will get better soon enough

Don't be disappointed with yourself, I mean you got alot of thing shappening with your own life as well.

You're doing good don't worry

It is just that, there are things that we cannot control/prevent from happening

BTW: mukha kang hapon sa primary pic mo hahaha miss yah koji LOL

Koji A. Iizuka said...

Nash, ano ka ba :) I am hapon. But thank you. I needed the assurance.

citybuoy said...

if you feel you let her down, it's not too late. i'm sure just being there for her in the hospital was enough. i hope she gets well soon.

Koji A. Iizuka said...

thank you :) she's doing great. i think she was released today.

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