Put me out of my misery [unedited]

Okay. So I copied Michan's [associate editor] idea and kept a notebook. I have been keeping notebooks all my life to jot down notes, reminders, ideas, and etc., but usually they're messy, unintelligible and sometimes I just don't have the energy to read it. I copied Michan's lead and kept a neater notebook. Last night I divided stuff into pages, from the meaningful long-term and short-term goals to the mundane stuff to buy lists. I thought my life would be better if I started to organize my thoughts and my life but I didn't expect I would break down, cry, and want to be put out of my misery.

I couldn't believe at how much stuff I needed to accomplish before the end of this month. I couldn't believe how lax I have been, considering I have this much stuff to do. From completing my short stories to putting the January and February issue of The Perpetualite to rest, I am up to my ears in responsibility. And believe me, I am a tall person.

Most of my worries stem from the paper. Being an editor is fun, but it sure is bloody. In my manic attempt to dissect articles, I have forgotten to write mine. I am nowhere near half of the donkey work. Luckily, we'll be publishing a magazine for February so I don't need to write a column. And there's the tremendous pressure in the space between school and the paper. I have to keep up a GPA of 2.50 and above to keep my editor status. I barely passed the mark this sem. so I'm safe. But what about next semester? Next semester will be one of the defining moments of my life. The position of editor-in-chief will be open and I want the position so bad. My desire to be top dog is so bad, it hurts. Lately, hints are being dropped like the Big Boy at Hiroshima. Michan has been teaching me how to layout. She gave me tips on how to publish the paper. Staffers keep asking me how I'll run the paper and if I'll be strict. Michan even told me not to disappoint the staffers! Could a hint even be bigger than that?! I want to be EIC. But I'm worried about my GPA. I dropped my NSTP (for the nth time) so I have to pull in extra effort. I make exceptional grades in my majors, scoring the highest in quizzes and exams, but what about the minors? And I missed a long quiz. OMG. And the NSTP! Why the hell did I drop it in the first place? I'm scared. I'm shit scared. I'm terrified. I believe that I'll make a good editor what with my attention to detail and my perfectionist attitude but what if I don't make the cut? It's the exams next week and I haven't studied!

But I'll make it. Believe me, I will. I've been through worse, and I'm still here. Never mind the eyebags and the heart attacks. It's all in the makeup and the surgery. But not even death will keep me away from that EIC position.

Sorry, no time to pull of a Carrie Bradshaw. Writing articles. Read my Twitter if you want on-the-dot newsfeed: www.twitter.com/kojibberish